Finding a roommate is basically dating with worse consequences. A bad date is one awkward night. A bad roommate is twelve months of passive aggressive notes about the dishes and a security deposit you will never see again.
Most red flags show up before you sign anything. You just have to be paying attention instead of being polite.
They are vague about money
This is the big one. Ask directly: where do you work, and can you cover rent if something goes sideways? Someone with a stable answer just tells you. Someone who deflects, jokes about it, or says money is "kind of a weird thing to ask" is telling you something.
You are not being rude. You are about to be financially tied to this person. On most leases you are jointly liable, which means if they stop paying, the landlord comes to you for the full amount. Their money problem becomes your money problem instantly.
Every single past roommate was "crazy"
Sometimes people genuinely get unlucky. But if all four previous roommates were terrible and none of it was ever partly their fault, you are hearing one side of a pattern. Ask what actually happened. Someone self aware will say something like "we had different schedules and I handled it badly." Someone who just escalates the story is showing you how they will describe you in six months.
They dodge the boring questions
Cleaning schedule. Guests staying over. Noise after 11pm. Whether the thermostat is a democracy. These questions are dull, which is exactly why they matter. Anyone planning to actually live with you engages with them. Anyone who says "I'm super chill, whatever works" and refuses to give a real answer has not thought about it, and you will be the one enforcing everything later.
The vibe changes when you talk logistics
Watch what happens when the conversation moves from fun to practical. Some people are warm and hilarious right up until you mention a written agreement about utilities, then they get short with you. That flip is data. How someone handles a mildly annoying conversation now is how they will handle a genuinely hard one when the internet bill is late.
They will not do a video call or meet in person
Same rule as scam listings, different reason. You cannot tell if you can live with someone from text. Fifteen minutes on video tells you their energy, whether they interrupt, whether they ask you anything about yourself. If someone will not spend fifteen minutes on a call before moving in together, that is your answer.
They are weirdly rushed
Anyone pushing you to commit today, before you have met, before you have seen the place, before you have talked about rent splits, is either desperate or running something. Both are bad. Good roommate matches survive a few days of normal back and forth.
Your gut says no and your brain is negotiating
This one is real and people ignore it constantly. If you catch yourself building a case for why the bad feeling is fine because the rent is good and the commute is short, stop. You are not overthinking it. Housing pressure makes people talk themselves into situations they already know are wrong.
Green flags, because it is not all doom
- They ask you questions back instead of just pitching themselves
- They bring up the awkward stuff first, like overnight guests or splitting utilities
- They are specific about their schedule and habits, not just "pretty clean"
- They are fine putting the agreement in writing
- They have verified their identity, so you know they are who they say
Write it down before you move in
Not a legal contract, just a shared note. Who pays what and when. How cleaning works. Guest rules. What happens if someone needs to move out early. It takes twenty minutes and prevents about 90% of roommate fights, because most fights are not really about the dishes. They are about two people having different unspoken assumptions.
How Cohabital helps
We score compatibility on the things that actually cause conflict: budget, cleanliness, sleep schedule, pets, smoking, and guests. If two people are a genuine mismatch on pets or smoking, we cap the score and flag it instead of burying it under a nice average.
You can also see whether someone has verified their email, phone, and government ID before you message them, and read reviews from people who actually lived with them. It will not tell you if someone leaves dishes in the sink. It will tell you they are real, and that the basics line up.
